So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
