you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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