I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
