Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
