Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
