So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
