Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
