Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
