I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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