erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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