i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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