He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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