the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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