I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
