FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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