You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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