You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
