My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
