..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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