Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
