I accidentally burped into my bong.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
