You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
