I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
