You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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