Girls should come with a carfax report
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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