i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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