Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
