Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
