I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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