surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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