so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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