We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
