Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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