I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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