Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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