Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need to wash the frat house off of me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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