You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
