You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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