I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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