i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
