he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
