I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
