trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
