Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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