I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
