He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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