So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize