I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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