Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
