Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
