The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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