I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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