It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
