Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
