im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
