They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
