Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
