Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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