I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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