sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
