OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
