You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
