I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
