For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
