i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
