woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
