why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
