allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
