My Higher Power is John Stamos
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
