I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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